I’m at the end of my rope today. I was so tired yesterday. I barely made it through work. I thought for sure that I would pass the fuck out when I got home last night. But I was restless again. I woke up at 3am again, went to bed around 9 and was up and down every hour and finally gave up at 3 and woke up for good. I went down to 1.5 yesterday and then took 2 today because I felt so bad this morning and I have to work. So frustrated with myself for going back up today, even if it was only .5 mg.
I want to push this taper through to the end, but I can’t keep missing work. I just took a week off last week. So I have to slow it down. So frustrating. I want to stop feeling this way. My arms and legs and chest feel this weird restless energy sensation, like my bones are vibrating at a super high frequency. Cold sweats are mild. Depression is a thing. I’ve cried more in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last 2 years.
Movies. Music. Anything slightly sad will bring me into depression. Staying at 2mg today. Hoping that I can get some sleep tonight and go back down to 1.5mg tomorrow. More tomorrow.
<3 - B